6. We ought never single-handedly endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise lest problems of money, property, or prestige divert us from our commitment to each other.

This tradition means that either one can endorse things for themselves but not for both. Neither of us can make loans without the others prior knowledge and agreement. Neither can say, "come on and move into our house for awhile". We have to remember that we are a team and that we must always consider the other.

It is our belief that a partner ought not be overly supportive spiritually, emotionally, or physically to the relationship. That is to say, one should not work harder on their partner's program than they do. One needs the assurance that their well-being and/or sobriety is between them and God and does not depend on another person. There is no human alive that does not ultimately have feet of clay. Despite their very best intentions, others will ultimately fail from time to time.

This is important in protecting the relationship and its unity. It keeps each one of us responsible for themselves. Neither of us can meet all of the needs of the other. We are each responsible for taking care of ourselves, but we are enhanced by our association with each other. Our separateness is our mutual strength. It promotes a relationship of healthy equals.

A partner should be supportive spiritually, emotionally and physically to the relationship, but a mature partner doesn't do for the other what they can do for themselves. Doing so could promote an inflated ego which would divert the primary purpose of the relationship, which is to express God's love and not one's own self-will. It is our experience that God does not do for us what we should and can do for ourselves. God helps when we need something beyond our own power - this is part of God's love for us. We believe He realizes that to help us when we can help ourselves is to cripple us and to compromise his greatest of all gifts: free choice.

Being needed to be needed seems to be one of the symptoms of our disease. We have each found that from time to time, we have an over-developed sense of responsibility. Without realizing it we can create situations in which we place ourselves in the role of helper, fixer, or enabler. This kind of behavior can create sick dependencies in those we try to help. We have a false sense of security when we are needed in this way. We think that we are okay because we think that we are fulfilling a vital role. The tragedy to this is that our self-esteem is placed in the hands of others and when they no longer "need us" we feel worthless.

We encourage each other and are interested in each other's growth, but we have found that we must each allow the other the dignity to grow, and perhaps to fail on their own without assistance, insistence, or advice. We allow each other to have different ideas, concepts, beliefs, and feelings.

Partners compliment one another. They are not crutches for one another. Being totally dependent upon another person isn't living and it is surely not love. This tradition protects each individual's identity in the relationship and thus preserves the unity of the relationship. The best relationship are those where dependence is mutual, independence is equal, and obligations are reciprocal."

We are proud of each other. We admire each other for different reasons. We learn a lot from each other. On a personal note, Polly is the kindest, most non-judgmental person I know. I watch her sponsor many people and work tirelessly on behalf of AA. That is what she does - that is Polly. I can't take credit for her acts. There is some spillover from her actions that I get to enjoy. I get special attention at conferences where she speaks when I go with her but I never lose sight of what that's all about. I know that Polly is also proud of me for what I do and she knows that I don't rely on her actions for my self-worth.

Kahlil Gibran wrote about marriage in his book, The Prophet:

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each others keeping.
for only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
for the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

CHECKLIST FOR TRADITION 6:

Do I encourage and support my partner?
What is motivating me when I try to be all things to my partner?
Can I hear God's voice when I am screaming at my mate?
Do I allow my partner the dignity to fail?
Do I pretend to agree with my partner just to keep things going?
Do I take responsibility for my own spiritual, emotional, and physical needs?
Am I in this relationship just to feel needed or loved?