It's that time again, boys and girls. Take the nuts and bolts of this thing, share our ESH, and maybe find a new angle we hadn't thought about.

Of all the steps, this one was probably the hardest. Yeah, sure the actual working of the step itself wasn't much, but all the preparation that went into getting ready to take this step was agonizing. I mean, drinking myself into a stupor, losing jobs, places to live, cars, friends, self respect, money, and anything of else of value were all requirements for me to finally give it up and take Step 1 squarely on.

When I got introduced into this program, I had no idea I was an alcoholic. I didn't go to my first meeting because I thought I had a problem. I went cuz 2 totally insane but dry maniacs told me it would be fun and talked me into going with them. It didn't stick of course, but the seed was planted nonetheless. I went on about my business drinking like a fish and taking any other substance that happened my way for a few more years. As time went by, I grew to notice a small problem with how I drank and used. Nothing serious, mind you, but something to keep an eye on. I went to meetings from time to time and put together a month or two here and there. Got a DUI as the result of an injury accident. Thankfully, the people I crashed into weren't seriously injured as far as I know. The court ordered me back to AA and I managed to get some more time together. Still not convinced, I drank for another year or so, spiraling downward the whole time. In the end I woke up from a week long bender not having any idea what had transpired in the preceding 8-10 days but knowing this: I was not destined to Live Fast, Die Young. I would live a long, slow, painful existence suffering every injustice and stupid decision I would surely make. The realization that I was indeed an alcoholic had finally sunk down into my heart. There comes a time for every alky that he/she just KNOWS. I went back to AA with a whole new attitude. Almost. I tried it one more time a week later only to find that just like every other time before, I was simply unable to control my drinking. Once I cracked the first bottle open it was game on until I couldn't stand anymore.

At this point, admitting I was powerless over alcohol was a no brainer. Admitting my life was unmanageable was another matter. I balked at the idea of not being fully in charge of my world. Fortunately, it was a simple thing for my sponsor to throw my dick in the dirt and show me that I had only succeeded in trashing everything around me. Speaking of my sponsor, he's one of the wackos that introduced me to this thing. In between that first meeting and my real attempts at sobriety, he had actually worked the steps himself. The difference was nothing less than amazing. I had looked him up at some point and immediately noticed the change. Gone was the edgy, back to the wall, hand on the gun, eyes on the exits, survival mode. In it's place was a sense of calm. Serenity. I recognized on some level that I wanted what he had, so I asked him to sponsor me.

And so I began on this road to recovery. What a long strange trip it's been.