Advertisement
5. A relationship has but one primary purpose - to love each other and to serve as an expression of God's love.
This tradition has to do with our primary purpose and fully understanding what our primary purpose is. Our primary purpose is to express the theme of love, loyalty, family, and unity in all that we do and to share this knowledge freely with others. Conducting this relationship within AA (or AA/AFG) is a requirement for us. What we have is a relationship based on recovery. It always has been and must continue to be or it won't survive. We are self-admittedly alcoholics and our behavior is that of recovered alcoholics. That means that we are sometimes selfish and self-willed. We sometimes become restless, irritable, and discontented. Most importantly, we can easily deceive ourselves and our motives. It is only within the framework of AA that we can remember that whenever either of us is upset, there is something personally wrong. That our troubles are of our own making. That we individually have a part in everything that goes on. Neither of us must ever forget that whenever there is a disagreement between us, we each sincerely believe that we are the one that is right!
Tradition five also asks us to give comfort, encouragement, and understanding to our partner. When one of us does something or says something that is harmful or hurtful, it is often because we are unhappy with something about ourselves and could possibly need compassion instead of judgment or an angry response. Rather than lashing out, we try to say to ourselves: "At a time like this, what do I think a loving mate would do?" We then try to do that. If you can't come up with an idea of what you think a loving mate would do, try to find someone that you feel displays those qualities and ask them how to respond. You might also ask God to allow you to see the other person through His eyes.
Neither of us is a reflection of the other. Each is their own person. We strive to be uncomplicated. Each of us tries to play a part in all aspects of our life together; however, we don't insist on fixed, precise equality. Things are seldom precisely equal. Sometimes the biggest share of the load one of us can carry is about 20% but we are putting out 100% of what we have just to cover that 20%. As we talked about earlier, we all bring our baggage with us into relationships and most of us had a lot of baggage.
CHECKLIST FOR TRADITION 5:
Do we have a "primary purpose" and do we know what it is?
Do I resort to emotional blackmail? Do I ever start sentences with the phrase, "If you loved me you would...."
Do I demand precise equality? And if so, do I monitor my share as closely as I monitor my mates? Do I really understand that my troubles are of my own making?
Do I really understand that I have a part in everything and that whenever I am upset, there is something wrong with me?
Do we express God's love in our relationship and do we share it with others?
How important is liking myself to my relationship. Do I have or need self-esteem, self-respect?
Am I a patient and uncritical listener?
Can I see my partner through God's eyes or hear my partner through God's ears?
This tradition has to do with our primary purpose and fully understanding what our primary purpose is. Our primary purpose is to express the theme of love, loyalty, family, and unity in all that we do and to share this knowledge freely with others. Conducting this relationship within AA (or AA/AFG) is a requirement for us. What we have is a relationship based on recovery. It always has been and must continue to be or it won't survive. We are self-admittedly alcoholics and our behavior is that of recovered alcoholics. That means that we are sometimes selfish and self-willed. We sometimes become restless, irritable, and discontented. Most importantly, we can easily deceive ourselves and our motives. It is only within the framework of AA that we can remember that whenever either of us is upset, there is something personally wrong. That our troubles are of our own making. That we individually have a part in everything that goes on. Neither of us must ever forget that whenever there is a disagreement between us, we each sincerely believe that we are the one that is right!
Tradition five also asks us to give comfort, encouragement, and understanding to our partner. When one of us does something or says something that is harmful or hurtful, it is often because we are unhappy with something about ourselves and could possibly need compassion instead of judgment or an angry response. Rather than lashing out, we try to say to ourselves: "At a time like this, what do I think a loving mate would do?" We then try to do that. If you can't come up with an idea of what you think a loving mate would do, try to find someone that you feel displays those qualities and ask them how to respond. You might also ask God to allow you to see the other person through His eyes.
Neither of us is a reflection of the other. Each is their own person. We strive to be uncomplicated. Each of us tries to play a part in all aspects of our life together; however, we don't insist on fixed, precise equality. Things are seldom precisely equal. Sometimes the biggest share of the load one of us can carry is about 20% but we are putting out 100% of what we have just to cover that 20%. As we talked about earlier, we all bring our baggage with us into relationships and most of us had a lot of baggage.
CHECKLIST FOR TRADITION 5:
Do we have a "primary purpose" and do we know what it is?
Do I resort to emotional blackmail? Do I ever start sentences with the phrase, "If you loved me you would...."
Do I demand precise equality? And if so, do I monitor my share as closely as I monitor my mates? Do I really understand that my troubles are of my own making?
Do I really understand that I have a part in everything and that whenever I am upset, there is something wrong with me?
Do we express God's love in our relationship and do we share it with others?
How important is liking myself to my relationship. Do I have or need self-esteem, self-respect?
Am I a patient and uncritical listener?
Can I see my partner through God's eyes or hear my partner through God's ears?
posted by:
|
South Bay
|
Advertisement
Advertisement