When I first got clean and was very open to suggestions, a therapist friend
of mine said "Whenever I hear myself say the word should, a little red flag
goes up". I was open and vulnerable enough so it stuck. It was one of the
best pieces of advice I've ever received.

I also prefer "hopes" to "expectations". In most contexts, the words can be
exchanged, although the meanings can not. (This is especially true of
first dates.)

"when I have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, I 'should' all over myself."

Yup. Forget "should." In the present I do or I don't hopefully without judgement.
"Should" is a judgement.

I had a therapist once tell me: When you find yourself upset, think about the "must" (or "should") you're creating for yourself, then work to argue that must/should away. Usually works for me...

"A wise friend told me once to be mindful of the word "should." It implies an effort to live up to an expectation usually not our own."

The key word in this quote for me is "mindful." It doesn't mean to completey eradicate the word "should," just to be aware of it.

The following part about expecations that are usually not our own is interesting, because it then opens up the question, of who are "they?" You know, "them," the ones who are placing these expecations on us?

Let's say we let go of all the expectations of others and the need and/or desire to live up to them. Are we then left with ourselves alone? Would our True Selves emerge? To me, the only way to get a clear answer to these questions is to do some deep soul searching and go within one's self to find out. I have found "shoulds" I didn't even know existed. I haven't let them go completely, but at least I am mindful of them.

i agree with your buddy... it's the voice of what is called an "observant ego" ......

Should is also moralizing and shaming.

hi, a thought, if you are true to yourself. Why worry about something as small as a word
take care
d